A major reason we adopt a cat is for the comfort they can bring and for most of us a big part of that is the cuddle-snuggle factor. Right? But the truth is that cats aren’t necessarily snuggle-cuddle beings. Remember, they’re aloof and want to be left alone. Not always, thank heavens.
Sure a cat seems to crave her alone time—
don’t we all? But many of them also adore curling up or sprawling across a warm lap, or even just initiating a good scratching behind the ears.
Lily had her moments when she loved cuddling, but mostly, she just wanted to be near me, at my feet—at least within eyeball distance. Most cats I’ve had want affection on their own terms. Isn’t that the way of the cat? But what if you end up with a cat or a kitten that doesn’t want any part of handling? Did you know that this is usually a learned behavior? That’s one of the dangers of rescuing cats—first, you don’t know their background—how much snuggle experience
they had. Second, many abandoned cats or kittens come with aversion to being handled. But all is not necessarily lost. Here are a few tips.
Let the cat choose the time, place, and manner of affection. Go with her whims. If she comes to you and rubs against your leg while you’re working out or knitting or paying bills or scrolling through your texts—stop it. 
Sit and spend quality time with your cat when she wants it.
Reinforce snuggle behavior with treats. Make these short, brief encounters at first
Know that cats can change. An aloof cat can become a snuggle bunny. Sometimes cats are more affectionate in the cooler months. In fact, I always felt that Lily took advantage of my lap in winter when I wore my cozy robe. She rarely curled up in my lap in summer. Smart!
Some breeds are more affectionate than others, so if you want a lap cat choose accordingly. And follow the cats lead. If all she wants is a chin tickle or neck scratches, be generous with those methods of affection. Some cats shun the lap, but adore a full-body petting. Here’s a site with additional information about cats and cuddling.
https://www.popsugar.com/pets/why-wont-my-cat-cuddle-with-me-47718859
We currently have a cat who was very aloof at first. I said that she had trust issues and it took her four years to work through them. She would watch me with our other cat, who has always been a snuggle bunny and I think that helped. The other cat seemed to enjoy these sessions and wasn’t hurt, so maybe it wasn’t so bad. Eventually, she has come around. She is on my lap nearly all the time I set, although she gets very warm too. She will even let me hug her for a period of time, but it’s not her favorite activity. She humors me and I try not to misuse the privilege.
I love that story. Isn’t it heart-warming to watch a cat grow and gain confidence?